When you’re tired

I’M SO TIRED.

It has been a week of functioning on 2% battery.

I do not want to move from the sofa tonight, but I haven’t worked on anything for ages and I’m starting to feel desert dry.

So I go to the piano though I’m lethargic and negative and can barely get my fingers to play.

I hardly get started before I give in.

Lowered head resting on hands. Lowered hands pressing on keys. A jumble of notes ringing out, slowly disappearing like a long sigh.

I’m...so...tired.

And then I wonder, what if I said something different?

Not ‘I’m full of beans!’ Not, ‘I’ve never felt better!’

But, ‘I am open’.

I am an open space for creative energy to fill, to rise into.

I take a deep breath and turn out the light, let my fingers blindly wander the ivory.

I raise my voice but keep it nestled in the walls of my chest, just a low, effortless, gentle sound.

And then, there’s a glint of an idea. It might be a diamond, it might be a piece of broken glass, but it’s shining nonetheless so I pursue it.

Repeat the notes

Add a little more

Play from the beginning

Turn the words in my mouth until they feel the right shape and size.

I know the rhythm of this.

My heart beats faster, posture straightens, ears switch on.

I am coming to life. Dipping into the river beneath the river.